The Problem with Perfection

When I was a junior in college, I admitted to my bible study that "I have this problem with being perfect," to which they all laughed at my ridiculous declaration. No, my problem is not that I am perfect. My problem is that I am driven by a need to be perfect.  If I have not done my absolute best, all day long, I have failed. I am sure you can guess what this means: I fail. A lot. I beat my head against the wall trying harder and harder, relying more and more on myself and my own strength. I want the words of Stuart Smalley to be true: I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and dog-gone it people like me. So I try with all my might to make it true. If I can be good enough and smart enough, people will like me. God will like me.

For ten years God has been smacking me upside the head with the realization that I am not good enough or smart enough to earn anything when it comes to Him. On my own I will always fall short, I will always fail. I deceive myself into thinking that somehow, today, I can do it. Fortunately for you and I, the story does not end there. God says You don't have to be good enough. You don't have to be smart enough. I was. I did it for you.  And the best news is that He did it for me because He loves me exactly where I am today, in all of my shortcomings and failures. Jesus said "I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners" (Matt 9:13).

I see now that as I continue to walk in my own strength, ignoring what Christ has done, I am telling Him I don't need Him. I am rejecting the One who came to rescue me and offer me unending grace. I am saying 'Thanks God, but no thanks. I got this.' I couldn't be more wrong. It is grace that I need, each day, so that when I fail I am not a failure. When I fall short, He lifts me up again and tells me to persevere. And He perseveres with me, because He promises I will never have to do it alone. Praise God that He knew before the beginning of time how lost we would be. Praise God that He had a plan from the very beginning to save us from ourselves, that He is a God of love, mercy, and grace.

The Lord is merciful and gracious,
slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
He will not always chide, 
nor will he keep his anger forever.
He does not deal with us according to our sins,
nor repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west
so far does he remove our transgressions from us.
As a father shows compassion to his children,
so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him.
For he knows our frame;
he remembers that we are dust.
Psalm 103: 8-14

Family

This is my grandmother and her new husband, with all of my grandmother's children. They haven't been all together in over a decade. My mother and I hadn't met one of my dad's sisters until the day this picture was taken.  

It is extraordinary to me how families work. As I have grown, met other people, and experienced my own family, I have realized how very messy family is.  It is difficult to grow up with and spend life with the same few people. There are countless struggles, tensions, and difficulties. Let's face it: we fight with our families more than anyone else. I think the reason we fight with them is the same thing that makes families so wonderful: we are free to be ourselves, to be completely known (they usually know us better than anyone else anyway), and to be completely honest. This freedom comes from knowing that we are family, tied by something much greater than friendship. It is inescapable, and difficult to break.

I think this picture of my grandmother and her children is beautiful. It is forgiveness and grace and love.  They don't all speak to each other regularly (or much at all), and they do not know each other well.  But they are family, and so they love anyway. They accept and they forgive.

Vacation Highlights

I spent weeks and weeks looking forward to the *warm* Florida weather and escaping the *cold* and snow in Montana. I even bought Isaac a new pair of shorts and some flip flops. Unfortunately, the weather was not our friend, but it was still warmer than Montana and we all wore our flip flops at least once (no one said they were weather-appropriate, but I wasn't flying all the way there without getting in at least one skirt/flip flop combo).

It was an activity filled trip. We got to see my grandma get married to a great guy that she really loves. We made 2 trips to Busch Gardens for some great roller coasters and train rides. And we went to a nearby state park to see a 50 year old hippo named Lucifer. We've gone to see Lucifer nearly every trip to Florida since I was at least 13. Overall we had a great time with family & friends, and a nice vacation from a cold winter!

Playing in the water with Papa & Uncle Travis

Elephant noises

Isaac the conductor (the train obsession continues...)

Is anyone surprised?

Lucifer the 50 year old hippo